clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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