I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize