walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
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I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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