5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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