If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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