i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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