the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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