the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.