I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"