My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?