Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
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IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
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I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.