dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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