i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
