Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
