I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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