I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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