Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
