You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
