I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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