I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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