how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
