i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
