so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
