Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
