im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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