All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
