nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
