i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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