I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
