I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
