I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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