I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my being single is dangerous.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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