you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
