I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize