You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
