I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
