I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
