six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
