i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
