I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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