I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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