If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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