Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
