im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
