i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
