don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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