White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
