omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
