i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
