ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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