dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
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Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
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You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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