is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize
