sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Come see our sink grown plant.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you inspire me to be a worse person
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
