You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
