he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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