I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
