I feel like I'm in dance class right now
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
