She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
