It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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