Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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