Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I need moral support for this bender
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
