You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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