If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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