Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
