my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize