I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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