She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
try to milk me bitch
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
