if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She is in my trunk
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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