i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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