the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
