I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
