I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
