Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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