Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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