I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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