The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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